The Neverending Story

Life is a story. A journey. One that never ends. We all have a beginning, one that was sparked into being by our Creator God. Along this journey there are many twists, turns, bumps, dips, scrapes, tears, and smiles. No one has an easy life. It isn't part of humanity, our fallen state...the chaos of sin and selfishness lead to pain and sorrow and the Cross of Christ points to joy everlasting and peace that surpasses understanding. I am so thankful for that. So, after cancer when my blood pressure meds quit working and were making my heartrate stay so low I could barely go to the basement and back up without feeling like I had just climbed Everest I had to see a cardiologist. I have been lamenting my weight since it became a problem around puberty. He told me let's get past breast cancer then you need to focus on your weight. One battle at a time. We came out on the other side weighing the same. He then told me it was time. Six months later after being forced into menopause by chemo I still weighed the same and his kind demeanor shifted slightly to that of serious scolding. The underlying message was, you have two beautiful children that need you, you just dodged the cancer bullet...are you going to let obesity take you out? I left his office knowing I had six months to get a plan in motion. Amazing how fast six months goes. I had been trolling the Trim Healthy Mama facebook page for months. Seeing their posts, their struggles, their victories. All totally normal mamas. My closest friend here moved out of state and her struggle with weight is real too. She was at the end of her rope as I was just finding the beginning of a new rope...one that I thought I could finally maintain a hold on...Trim Healthy Mama (THM). I told her about it and suggested we do this together long distance. She said she would think about it. The next day someone else told her about it. She said, let's do this thing. I cancelled my dr appointment to give myself a little more time before I had to see him to see if I could make a dent, thinking in 4 months I should have some noteable progress and he will be pleased. I borrowed the THM cookbook from a friend because I had it in my mind that all of the recipes called for unusual and special ingredients. To my delight they have tons of recipes marked NSI...No Special Ingredients. I chose a handful and fixed them for the family, who gave them their stamp of approval. I bought the cookbook and the plan book and began to dabble in it over the holidays committing to do a hard start on Jan. 1. In two weeks I lost five pounds just fooling around and in another two weeks committed I have lost another five pounds. Ten pounds in just under a month. Hey, I will take that. I have lost 4 inches off my belly and another 3 off my chest...but because of my reconstruction, that is really back fat! Listen...i will most defintely take THAT! I am no where near where I need to be...but I am ten pounds closer. I am not near as tired as I was and the pain in my feet brought on by chemo and age has decreased significantly. I am back in my pre chemo jeans and my post chemo jeans have turned into work jeans bc they are so baggy they are ridiculous. This is just a glimpse from where I currently stand on this journey. I hope to blog about how I arrived here and share glimpses of what I can see in the distance. I feel like I have finally found a lifestyle of eating I can live with, that makes sense, that is reasonable and doable. It isn't painful. I am not hungry. Yes there is sacrifice, but it is not harsh. No food police. Only freedom. It's for freedoom that we have been set free!

grace!

Well, i am 2/3 done with chemo now. this past treatment was managed better by far. im learning to ask what i can do rather than waiting to be told. im gleaning info from other people in the infusion field and other women who are further along in the journey. simple things like starting dulcolax the day before, taking a benadryl the morning of, having diaper rash cream in place before the rash starts. knowing on day three i need to start immodium. all things that help you stay out ahead of the speeding locomotive of chemo. paying attention to what happens each time. misery can be mild, it doesnt have to be excruciating. so many of my friends have come alongside me as i crumple...hangin with my kids, letting me be at their house sick so i dont have to be alone, bringing meals, and just loving on me. if i have learned anything from chemo it is humilty and being able to laugh at our weakness. that grace abounds where there is weakness! a friend texted me today and asked about my soul in the midst of this...how my relationship with jesus is going. oh. in the beginning i buried myself in the hope. i sat for hours in the prayer room. i was feeling ok and just focused. then chemo started and my weak body was attacked. the exhaustion, the nausea, the bowels. then the next round i was literally pumped full of steroids so add to it a shortened fuse, feeling spent as little people just want normalcy. not being able to have privacy in the bathroom. snapping at the people you love most and feeling bad and out of control bc your body has been bombarded by poison that is aimed to help you. it is so frustrating. i echo the words of Paul, i do that which i do not wish to do! and i don't do that which i wish! but grace! to remember that we are but dust. we are frail and fragile. we are weak! God knows we are weak! thats why he provided a way to overcome! Christ is our way! he gave us his strength! he overcame frailty so we could overcome frailty! im thankful for a Savior that loves me abundantly when i lack. he doesnt excuse my weakness...he redeems it and overcomes it. its one of the reasons he is trustworthy. i can lean on him as i go through and come out of this wilderness and know his strength is more than enough to carry my sweet family through this. this body is weak, in many ways i feel held captive...but HIS Spirit within me is so strong and therefore i know that ultimately im free. not only is that grace amazing...it is sufficient. overcoming....one step at a time.

half way to where?

So, three down, three to go. those of you following me on facebook know this. i must confess, it annoys me when people say im half way done. bc im not half done. not even close. i mean, yes...the chemo is half done. and THAT isnt even encouraging. the first round i was just super tired and nauseous in the mornings. the second round i had a huge reaction to taxotere and they gave me a second dose of steroids which resulted in me bleeding for eight days. this wasnt like my period or after i had babies...take those and intensify it by about 100 and add nausea, constipation, hemmoroids, diarrhea and rage. yep. round three we changed up the chemo order, i reacted mildly, but then continued to react for a few days. then i caught some virus that no one else had and was puking, diarrhea, constipation, dehydration, stomach cramps, fluids for three days, and i involuntarily pooped my pants in public. so...what can i expect after round 4? round 5? how about round 6??? so...telling me im half way there is a little terrifying. and half way to where?? zero dignity? oy! also, after chemo is done surgery happens...and THAT my friends is a little scary! but on much happier terrain...we bought a house. on a thursday, after chemo round 3 i came home and chris went to look at yet ANOTHER house. i was tired and he is so picky! so after an 8 hr day at the cancer center, i came home. i got a call as we were finishing dinner. he told me, THIS is THE house. im making an offer tonight. so i loaded up the girls and drove over. even in the exhausted fog of chemo, i agreed, this was our home. we made an offer and found out that there was already an accepted offer that was contingent on the people making the offer selling their home in another state. so, the buyer accepted our offer and by law the first bid had 72 hrs to prove that they could finance the house or withdraw their offer. we got a call on Saturday morning that they withdrew their offer and ours was accepted and we could move forward. we went back to the house to look at it in the daylight and solidify the reality of it. woo hoo! i loved it even more in the non chemo fog! :-) so the bank loan officer doesnt foresee any issues and we are scheduled to close on march 3. which is five days after my fifth round of chemo. oy. this house is perfect! three bedrooms...master, girls' room, playroom. huge living room with a wood burning stove fireplace insert...more heat than a regular fireplace. another area for a home office and my sewing machine. the kitchen is mammoth compared to my kitchen now! counter space galore! sliding glass doors out to a deck and a flat backyard! there is a partially finished basement...the laundry area is in a huge room we will make into the guest room and homeschool room. there is another room for chris...his mancave/jam room. it has been fitted for a stove pipe for a wood burning stove. and there is a rec area with a pool table! chris LOVES pool! oh...and did i mention the chest freezer they are leaving behind? sweet! im a big fan of freezer meals and plan to put several in there for the months to come after surgery and during the months with the expander before final reconstruction. my freezer meal board on pinterest is gonna get wore out!! :-) so as you can see...in the midst of adversity...God is pouring out his goodness on us. in the midst of uncertainty...he is answering the cry of our heart for a home. in the midst of shakey circumstances...he is giving us favor. so...even though im not real certain i am at the half way mark and i dont know what will happen after each of the chemo rounds to come...i know God doesnt change and he is with me every step of the way.

A-Team on their A-Game!

We just got back from the mile high city, Denver. A week ago we had our appointment with the local oncologist who referred us to Denver to see the breast cancer specialists. He isn't a specialist and just felt like we would get the best care down there. More of God's hand at work...Denver usually runs about 3 weeks out for appointments. So, on Friday I called our cancer center and asked if they had called Denver, they had, but had not heard back. I told them I really would like some word as the weekend was upon us and then the holiday. A few hours later I got home from running around with the girls and Chris told me that they called and scheduled me for that Tues (in just four days!). I had to sort of scurry around bc I already had a chest ct scan scheduled and our Denver friends would be out of town for Thanksgiving. I called to see if we couldn't make it Tues, when was the next appt? not til after Dec 17. Ok...so we took the Tues appt (Nov. 28). I gotta tell you...I can feel these tumors growing. I can feel them inside of me without touching them. And within the last few days, you can see them from the outside. If you didn't know you were looking for them, maybe you couldn't...but the specialist could see them from the outside before she laid a hand on me! It's getting serious folks! Ok...so my main concern was the girls. We wouldn't have anyone there to watch them and we just weren't comfortable leaving them back home for two nights. So I began to pray about finding someone to go along with us. Tried a home school girl from church...no dice. Wasn't sure who else to ask bc all of my friends have kids or work. All I could do was pray. And make a contingency plan of dvd's, coloring books, Nabi computers, and lots and lots of snacks. Chris hurt his back pretty bad that friday and went to the Chiro on Sat morning and then Sunday decided to stay home and rest, so the girls and i went off to church. After the service, our family pastor came up to me to ask how he could pray for us. I told him the situation with the girls and Denver and he paused and said, I will come down and spend the day and then come back home. Ok people, this is a 5.5 hour drive. He assured me that this was super important and we needed to focus and it was the least he could do. So i talked to Chris about it and even tho both of us thought this was a huge sacrifice on his part and worried that we were asking too much, we took him up on his offer. He has a cousin-in-law just North of the city and drove down Monday and stayed with them and then came to the hotel. We swapped vehicles and he took the girls to the Children's Museum and to Chick-fil-a for lunch. They had the most amazing time! And i am eternally grateful! Like, seriously, i want to weep in gratitude. We tried to pay him gas money but he refused and told us that the church stepped up and wanted to pay for his gas as a way to express their love and support for us. IN-CRED-IBLE! The family of God is amazing! So, our marathon appointment. It actually started the day we left with Chris rushing off to the chiropractor for a final adjustment before we left, coming home and giving me the vehicle (did i mention his truck broke down during all of this and is in the shop??? yeah, glorious huh?) so i could rush off to my chest ct. Got that done, came home, loaded the girls and we left for Denver. We stopped a few times for Chris to stretch his back (which was killin him two hours into the trip). He was eating all kinds of anti inflammatory foods (walnuts, blueberries, 70% cacao chocolate) and we stopped at a random gas station a few hours later and he found this crazy tea...argo tea. there was a ginger one that looked like it had sawdust floating in it and he got a bottle of it. within 25 mins of drinking it he said he could feel a significant difference in his back pain! ginger is getting ready to be a staple in our house. We arrived at our hotel, which unbeknownst to us, was under construction. like, wallpaper coming off of the walls, dust, etc. this was a little annoying, but whatever. the room was nice enough even if the king sized bed was uncomfortable. the girls slept together for the first time in their lives (which resulted in a spanking the first night. haha! too much partying going on!). Mr Kurt arrived the next day and off we went to the appointment. The docs are all part of the Colorado State University Breast Center. Everyone in this dept specializes not only in breast cancer, but in breast cancer in young women and pregnant women. our entire experience there was nothing but a blessing (with the minor exception of the genetic counselor but whatever). First Doc: The main specialist...the researcher...the one driving this ship we are on. Dr. Virginia Borges (Bor-jess). She walked in...zero frills! her hair is pulled back in a knot, she has naturally curly hair, it was sorta frizzy and she actually looked like she might have overslept a tad. haha. She appears to be in her late 40's/early 50's and had a peace about her. She introduced herself as Ginger Borges (ginger...the ultimate inflammatory root! bear with me here...bc this is no coincidence. she is the root of this treatment and her entire being brought anti inflammation to the situation! God is good!!!!). we talked about my tumors, which she had some misinformation (from i don't know who!). this is how the entire process has gone, like the enemy has thrown in little wrenches here and there, and the Almighty has said NO WAY! she had information that one of the tumors was a triple negative (no estrogen, no progesterone and not her2 neu) which is the most difficult to treat! I had the pathology report in my bag! as well as a disc of my mammogram and my ct scan from the previous morning! she was very thankful!!! this changed our entire conversation! bc she was so thankful that they were both her2 neu positive...easier to treat, basic treatment, etc. so we just talked about our options and told us that the prognosis is good. that we should plan to grow old together and that she hoped to make it on the christmas card list for years to come! :) she recommends we start chemo immediately, followed by surgery and reconstruction and a year of herceptin treatments (which block the her2 gene). i told her that our surgeon appt wasn't until dec 9 and she looked at me and said, he will have to move it up. well then! haha. we are opting for the chemo that is administered every 3 wks and involves 6 treatments. so in about 18 weeks it is done. three weeks after completion, we will have a double mastectomy and start the reconstruction process. the reason we have chemo first is that this is the only way for them to tell how the cancer is responding to the chemo. what she expects is for the tumors to literally melt away, for me to be able to feel them melting! and then at the time of surgery when they send the tumors off to pathology they hope to see cancer skeleton cells...this tells them the chemo worked and we have very little concern for future occurrence. if she sees any living cells, she knows there is trouble and we keep treating, bc a tumor will return somewhere! but this is rare! but better to know before the cancer has a chance to form another tumor. they will remove the sentinal lymph node to see if the lymph system has been affected and if it has, they will do radiation. however, at the end of our appt i had another ultrasound on my armpit and the lymph nodes all looked normal and gave them no cause for concern. so they do not expect there to be cancer in the lymph nodes, but obviously we won't know for sure until after the surgery. we met with the radiation oncologist just as part of the process, the surgeon and the plastic surgeon. every one of them is dedicated to eradicating breast cancer! they were amazing. we left full of hope knowing that this will be a rough road and a painful journey, but that there is a future! a future that includes trying for more kids in two years if we want. All of the chemo will be given here, in Gillette at the cancer center but it will all be ordered and directed by Dr. Borges and overseen by our local oncologist. We will return to Denver before the surgery, which we are choosing to have done there bc it is the only way we can start the reconstruction simultaneously and we feel that the end result will be more favorable if we go with Denver. This is great bc this is at least 5 months away, which gives my parents a chance to prepare to come out and help with the girls. God is good! On our way back to the hotel I called the Gillette people and told them what the dr recommended and they got on it. I called the next day to see if they had a plan of action and they do! I had to change surgeons because the one i was scheduled to meet with couldn't move up my appt. So I meet with a different surgeon on Monday (12/2), get my port installed on Tues (12/3) and start Chemo on Thursday (12/5). This means that almost exactly a month after i first felt these tumors I am starting chemo. This is unheard of! Faster than a speeding bullet i tell you. Chris's work party is Friday and from what i hear you don't start feeling terrible til about 2 days after chemo...so we are hoping to attend! Then all my hair is going on Sat (12/7). i just can't handle the fact that it will fall out in big clumps! that is too much for me. the hats are in the mail and a local lady who makes hats heard that i was asking about her hats and she wanted to make me one for free! so i am ordering one and she is making me another, both crocheted! they should be done early next week...before i start chemo. Everything is falling into place. I should feel ok for Christmas day and my second chemo treatment will happen the day after christmas. the dr's orders are to get active! the plastic surgeon said if i want to use my own tissue (fat) for reconstruction i have to lose weight. too much fat isn't a good thing vascularly (is that a word? it is now haha) speaking. so i am hoping to go for a walk later this afternoon with the girls and get this party started, and if chris gets off early he can come along too. :) we will be joining the rec ctr here and our goal is to walk 3x a week...whether that be on the track or in the pool. this isn't gonna beat me. because chemo sends you into a temporary menopausal state...it means you gain weight too. uh...no way! i bought a kindle version of a cancer cookbook...kicking cancer in the kitchen! our entire life is about to change. radically! kale will become a staple. coconut water, almond milk, hemp seed, greens, nutritional yeast, juicing. no more flour, sugar, etc. this is gonna be a tough road...but i feel so loved, so supported, and the hand of God is all over this, like brown on rice ;) it's gonna be ok. so here is to one more week with hair! gonna get that pixie hair i have wanted in about 4-5 months! :) i feel like i could say so much more, but i will save it for the next post.

Let's try this again...

ok. i am a horrible blogger. i've often thought my life to be unexciting. we do the same stuff over and over and we enjoy our life, but like, who else cares right? but now life has changed. life isn't just about the pool, the library, and playdates at the park. now we have bigger blips on the radar. now instead of cruising along in life and being a slacker about devos, whining about petty things, and just being lazy...now there is a new sense of urgency in life. i remember back "in the day" i had a sense of urgency every day. but then life happens, you get tired, you slow down, you lose your urgency. days seem longer and you just press to get through them. i've posted on facebook the recent change in my life. i am gonna try to keep a little journal/sharing time in this blog. so i will share how this journey began... a week and a half ago, on nov 3 i was laying in bed reading and i decided to just do a quick breast exam. they say now that you are supposed to do exams laying down rather than in the shower standing up. so i am not like, hey on the 1st of each month i do an exam. in fact i am not really consistent, in fact my life's tagline could be "consistently inconsistent"...i do them when i think of it...usually at night while i am in bed reading and i probably do several a month (bc i can never remember the last time i did one! haha) and then maybe go a month without doing one. like i said, i am not really intentional about it...just whenever i think of it. i am also one of these people who has always struggled bc i have no idea what i am looking for. like, i have two boobs, i don't spend time feeling other boobies, and so i have no idea what a lump, tumor, mass, etc feels like. i'm not sure if i would say i could tell anyone else what to look for even now. here is what i can tell you...you are looking for changes. if you only examine your breasts once a month, you may not know if they are changing. but if you are like me and basically do a quick exam every week or so while you read, then when you feel something different...you go hmmm. and that is what i did, i went, hmmm. that seems different to me. so in typical no holds barred/not easily embarrassed moe fashion i asked chris (my husband for those of you new here)to feel my boob. he looked at me and was like, "is that your come on line?" haha. i laughed and said, seriously...feel this and tell me if you think it feels different. he did and said yes. then felt it again and said he didn't like it and i should call the dr. truth be told, i was at the end of my period and have heard that sometimes boobs change during your period...so i gave it a few days and it didn't change. so i called and the dr said i should come in. in those few days my boob got overly firm, i wouldn't say hard, but it wasn't normal. then the spots started to burn and hurt. i only told a few people. i didn't want to worry anyone. i went to MOPS on wed and hadn't decided if i was gonna share, but then i thought, man it never hurts to have more prayer. so i shared and cried bc there was a part of me that KNEW. i knew it wasn't good and i knew it wasn't "nothing" and i was actually pretty sure i was in for a bad report. i want to encourage you that if you "know" don't let people brush off your knowing. the worst that can happen is that you are wrong and you move on. i saw the dr on fri and was told that she didn't feel any "discernible masses". hmmm...really? bc they are discernible to me. but here is the deal, she doesn't know my boobs. i do. your doctor doesn't know YOUR boobs, you do. if you feel they are different, stand your ground...demand more. i didn't have to demand more of her bc she said i was at the age to start mammograms and scheduled me for one on monday. so on nov 11 i went to get a mammogram...somewhere along the line they didn't get me scheduled. i watched the nurse fax the paperwork that had my appointment on it to radiology on friday. thank God i had my paperwork. another lesson...even if the nurse tells you that if you lose the paper over the weekend, no biggie they should have the copy that was just faxed on hand...be responsible. you aren't in kindergarten. put that paper in your glove box so you won't forget it. and bring it. bc they didn't have a copy and had i just tossed it in my car, or left it on my kitchen counter i would have been in trouble! they asked me to come back and i told them no. i told them i have two small kids and i could come back with them in tow! they said they would fit me in but that i would have to wait. this is your life people! if you have done your part, then stand your ground. if you made the appointment, get seen. i told them i wasn't there for routine visit...i was there bc i was having an issue, and i needed to be seen that day! i sat in the waiting room with my book and was braced for a long morning. i texted people to pray that i get seen sooner than later! less than 15 mins later i got called back. God was on my side. the 9 o'clock didn't show up and they came and got me. she said this never happens. people never miss their mammograms. so to the forgetful lady...thank you, i hope you were able to reschedule and got a clean bill of health. i have heard horror stories about mammograms. but i gotta tell you my mammogram tech, Katie, was amazing. she was sweet. she was kind. she was professional and personable. i wasn't another boob to be scanned. she didn't make me feel uncomfortable about my weight, she was a cute skinny girl! they took all the normal pics and then the radiologist wanted more of the boob with the issues. my heart sank. she showed me the pics and i wasn't really prepared for what i saw. the right side was fine. it was glorious. in fact i thought to myself, wow! my boob looks like that of a goddess! haha. then i saw lefty. two huge white masses. i just felt a heaviness come over me. she left and came back to tell me i needed an ultrasound and walked me over. now, the ultrasound girl, she was so super sweet too! but bc my mind has reeled every time i saw her i can't remember her name at all. not for the life of me. this makes me sad as she was just wonderful too. i need to call and find out her name. she scanned and went to the dr. then told me to get dressed and i went to see dr mitchell, one of the radiologists. the viewing area was dark. i walked in and took a deep breath. he greeted me and then spent 5 mins explaining to me about these masses and couldn't (or wouldn't?) make eye contact, until he was done explaining. he used words like "worrisome", "concerned", "this resembles cancer more than a cyst". then he made eye contact and asked me if he had made himself clear and did i have questions. i looked at him and said, "you basically said you don't know what these masses are without a biopsy, they are sketchy and need to be dealt with." he said yes then explained to me my three biopsy choices. he does the aspirations, but that he didn't want to do that one bc he thought we needed a bigger sample and the dr who does the core biopsy wasn't in that day but that he thought they might be able to see me later in the week. that they send the core off to pathology and usually hear back within a day or two and then my primary would call me and we would go from there. i said ok. his final words to me were "i wish i had better news for you. im sorry." i left and then started to crumble. i deal with these things best alone! but i still had to deal with the ultrasound tech for her to call me. and i began to cry and she just hugged me and asked if i would be ok. and i said yes and left. later that day i called my dr to see if they were gonna call me or if radiology would call to set up the biopsy. the nurse told me that the radiologist who does the core biopsies was on vacation and they were waiting to hear from him. i was like, ok. the next morning i was cleaning my house to keep busy. radiology called me and asked me to come in in a few hours i said ok and got the girls to a play date and went in for blood work and the biopsy. the dr who did the biopsy was very nice and personable. again, i wasn't just another boob. we talked about my kids, my life, etc. his parting words to me were, i'm sorry you are having to go through this and i wish you the very best of luck. i asked the techs if he really was on vacation and did he come in just for my biopsy. they said yes. my heart sank more bc if this weren't serious, they would have had me come in next week when he got back from vacation. they said, his number one priority is patient care. he is all about the patient. im amazed at how tender every single person in the radiology dept was with me. everyone i dealt with knew this was serious. no one tried to sugar coat anything. no one tried to instill fear. i appreciate that. i am not a fan of false hope. in fact it makes me angry! i had one more mammogram and it was my sweet katie girl. she said to me, i have to tell you i feel like it was divine intervention with you yesterday. no one ever doesn't show up for their mammogram. and for the appointment so close to yours to be a no show is a sign that God is looking after you. the care of these people has just been a blessing. the rest of that day was long. i was exhausted. the waiting was brutal. i slept for three hours that night. i woke up the next morning and Zannah was sick. she proceeded to puke several times. at first i thought, gosh! can't i just get a break? but then thought, well at least i will be distracted. so i tended to her and kept busy. i called the dr to let them know i wanted the news, good or bad, over the phone. i just was very up front in that i know that i need to cry in private, i can't listen to any other plan of action after bad news and i am tired of running my kids all over creation and having to blow dry my hair and all that stuff. the nurse was like, ok i'll pass that word along. around 12:30 i got a call from the nurse asking me if i could come in. i said no. again...this is my life. people this is YOUR life. your dr is there to serve you (not as a slave, but as a minister of medicine!)stand your ground! i informed her i had a child who had been barfing all morning and was passed out on the couch, i think this is the one thing that made them NOT make me come in...so thank you Jesus for a sick kid! also, if my husband couldn't be with me (which he couldn't! he was working) then i wanted to be alone. i was adamant. i even said, you are giving me the results by not giving me the results! she said she would have the dr call me. less than five mins later she called. she said, are you sure you want this news over the phone? i said yes, i have a sick kid, im tired, im ready. she told me both masses show cancer and then explained to me this wasn't a death sentence. this journey was just beginning. that they don't know anything else right now. they are sending the tissue off to see if the cancer is estrogen based (which if i understand correctly if it is, then it is a stronger possibility it will spread to your reproductive zones and they may want to take out my ovaries). that i would meet with the one oncologist in town and a surgeon. they would schedule the initial appointments for me. i said ok. so our conversation was over...there were tears shed off and on during it. i called chris and cried. i texted friends, emailed those who had been praying. they called me back with my appointment times. a friend came over with eggnog latte, pumpkin bread, flowers, and hugs. a friend in MOPS was bringing dinner and a gingerbread latte. :) i had people texting me about meals and i told them there would be plenty of opportunities to bring us meals. this was just the beginning. i called my parents. my brother called me. there have been lots of questions about what kind, what stage, did they catch it early? i don't know. in fact, at this point, i know very little concerning the cancer. but what i do know is this: God is good. God is loving. Christ's leadership is trustworthy, he will never send me into a valley he isn't already in. I know that I am forgiven. I know that I am loved by my Savior. I know that we live in a fallen world and all of creation is falling apart, including my body. I know that "winning this battle" isn't physical and that THE ultimate battle, the battle over sin and death, has already been won. I know that the strength that lies within me isn't my own, but the strength of the one on the throne. i'm gonna fight this. i have a lot to live for. life is short and precious. so that is where we are today. all of this started a week and a half ago...to say it has been a whirlwind is an understatement. God seems to deal with me in compressed quick ways. i was single forever and there was only two and a half months btwn the first contact with chris and becoming his wife. i thought it would take a little bit to get pregnant and i got pregnant in an instant and within a year and a half i had two kids. we struggled financially in NC for years and within two weeks we decided to move, packed and came to WY. life is crazy. why would i think this leg of the race would be any different. so, we'll see what's in store. all this for his glory! thanks for running alongside me!

Oh my, has summer flown by or what? I know that if there were an award for the world's worst blogger...i would definitely be nominated and possibly win. This summer has been super busy. It started off sort of blah as our closest friends all went on vacation at once and we were left alone. But then we made two exciting discoveries in our town...the adventurarium (aka...the science center bc a 3 year old can say that WAY easier than "adventurarium") and the city pool. Both are free and both are totally fun! The science center has a gravity funnel, magnets, a shadow room, lots of animals (turtles, spiders, lizards, frogs, fish, parrots, ferrets, guinea pigs), skulls, music instruments, fossil digging pit and more. The girls love it. It is very easy to kill two hours there and they have nice shady grassy areas that we picnic in afterwards. We have gone there twice with our playgroup and plan to go a couple times a month. The City Pool...is AH-MAY-ZING! It is huge (for a public pool!)! It has four different swimming areas...one sorta small pool for big kids, a pool with a slide and a diving board, another separate area for kids under 4ft tall (not our favorite bc there are so many fountains you can't just play without being hit by water and the girls don't ilke that) and then another HUGE pool that goes from zero depth (shoreline) to 2.5ft. It has a big fountain that the girls call a waterfall and then several small fountains along the shore. It has a few little jet sprayers on the side of the pool an the rest of it is calm. It also has an Orca statue that has a fountain as it's blowhole. Zannah is especially fond of the Orca...a girl after my own heart. Delia is very brave and wanders clear to the other side of the pool and plays with various children, sits on the edge of the pool and talks to moms (showing them her beautiful "red shoes" haha.), and if there are any kids we know...she is right there playing with them. Zannah prefers to stay pretty close to me but is getting more brave every time we go. The pool closes at the end of next week...this is a sad thing! But the rec center has a good kiddie pool too...the only problem is that the first open swim session isn't until 1pm - hello! Naps!. So i am trying to get all of the mothers i know with toddlers to suggest that they do an open swim at 10-12 daily too. All I know is that both of my girls love the water and the rec ctr will be a great option come winter! So, we'll see. Other exciting news is that I really think we found our church. As many of you know, Delia had a very hard time at the church we thought we would settle into. Like, bizaare. I won't go into too much detail but will say our first 4x there (2 sundays, 2 monday bible studies) she did fine. Then suddenly she freaked out! Like they had to come get me. This happened every week til we had to stop going on Mondays bc she would melt down int he parking lot and never recover...to the point of nearly throwing up on herself and peeing her pants once (she had never had an accident before that). Then on Sundays the same. Chris was basically going to church alone. Then the week before Mother's Day we both looked at eachother and said that we didn't feel like going through the drama and the energy that it took out of Delia and that this church obviously wasn't the right fit. Normally Delia loves the nursery. She loves socializing and playing and makes new friends very easily. She is independent and not clingy. We decided to visit a different church we had heard about and Delia had about 2 mins of separation anxiety for the first 3x we visited and by the 4th time when we went to pick her up we were told "just a minute" and then finally when we asked her if she was staying or coming home with us we were informed that she was staying. That's my girl! We both like the pastor and the kids/family pastor. Our girls like the nursery. And the people are great. Looking forward to plugging into a community group. Another good thing is that MOPS will be meeting at our church and will be coordinated by one of the ladies i have already met. So i am looking forward to getting plugged in there too this fall. All and all Wyoming is starting to feel like home. I must be honest and say that I am already dreading winter. What with the super mild winter we had last year and the insanely hot summer we have had this year...everyone is saying we are in for a really hard winter. :( But I will do my best to live in the day that God has given me and not worry about what's to come.

Delia with magnets

Zannah and the bearded dragon that she "NEEDED" to touch

Picnic at the science center

The waterfall

Orca

sisterly love on the Orca.

Mother's Day Weekend

Mother's Day Weekend...was so beautiful! We have had a month of yucky Saturdays that have kept us inside and just bored. However, the clouds parted and Mr. Golden Sun decided to shine on us and Saturday morning we headed out for a family drive. We live about 80 miles from the Bighorn Mountains and you can see them off in the distance from our town. They look like a hologram. So, off we drove. The tallest mountain this range is Cloud Peak standing almost at 14k feet. It is hard to see bc it is almost always covered in clouds (hence it's name). But there was a lot of beauty to be seen. I am always amazed how you can drive under a hundred miles and encounter so many different landscapes. Where we live is rolling plains with a few buttes. The sky is big and the spaces are wide open! As we drove towards Buffalo it begins to dip and you can see where the water has eroded deep ruts in the earth. Then within a few miles you are in the mountains. There was still snow in many places and tons of pine trees. Near the top I commented that it looked a lot like Mordor...the mountains that Frodo and Sam (and Gollum) had to climb to get to Mordor to drop the ring. Then once you got over the mountain on the other side, it was rolling fields, high cliffs, rock formations and down into pasture land with sheep! All of this in a very short drive. I love it. I posted tons of my pictures on facebook (bc it is so much more user friendly) but will include a few from our drive here. Then on Mother's Day we went out for a brunch and then to Wal-Mart for some plants to make our apartment feel more like a home. Delia and I ate yogurt pops while Daddy did some work and we just enjoyed the nice, warm weather and being together. Someone was grillin while we were hanging our plants and I mentioned that I wanted a burger for dinner. Chris went back to Wal-Mart for an outdoor trash can and came home with a grill and burgers to cook. he put that joker together and we cooked out. Now when we sit out on our patio we have beautiful flowers hanging in pots and tomato plants as well as a grill. The hubs is too good to me. :) I am so blessed to have the little family that we do and the husband that God has blessed me with. Love them!

SLACKER!

Ok, so I love to poke around and read blogs, especially if I truly know the person or if I feel inspired upon reading it. What I don't get is how people make the time to blog consistently. Like, where do they come up with this time? Do they do it while their kids nap? While Dora is on? LATE at night or EARLY in the morning? Or does it just take them like HOURS to write a few paragraphs and they write a little each time they pass by their computer? I don't know...but it seems that I have about 6 months to a year between posts. One would think that my life is either very busy and I don't have time or very boring and I have nothing to share. Neither is true. I am just a slacker. I just forget. I just get distracted too easily. I keep telling myself that I will blog more often. But I find a one liner easier to post on FB. I find it easier to post my pics on FB than on this dumb blogger thing (am I just retarded??? Every time i go to post pics, it seems to take forever and the order is all off and I get frustrated!). Maybe if I were to just open my blog each morning it would cause me to think of something to write every few days. I don't know. Today what is on the agenda is; to bake some pumpkin bread for new neighbors, eat breakfast, deliver the bread and let them know we are meeting some other moms at the park if they want to join us, go to the park, come home for baths, dishes, pick up the house, make dinner, clean up dinner, go to the gym, definitely some Dora and play time in there and if time permits chalk and maybe some cross stitch for me somewhere in this busy day! Life is good. I am thankful for such a full life and happy kids who are healthy to boot! So here is to Spring. Here is to life. Here is to the Author and Creator of my story...which is worth reading...now I just have to make time to write it all down!

The Dog Days of Summer...

TRUE STORY:

so, ive been teaching the girls scripture put to songs. we usually listen to the cd @ breakfast or lunch & they bebop to it. we have motions for the main one we are working on...psalm 17:8 "keep me as the apple of your eye"...we point to our eye...the other day, listening to the cd zannah points to her eye on cue when we aren't even pointing to our eye! haha. i was like, wow! she's getting this even tho she can't even talk!!! one day last week i was grocery shopping alone with delia and all of the sudden she starts singing "be patient with everyone, zla, blah, zsha, da da. five, teen" and i was like, that's right baby girl! "Be patient with everyone." 1 thessalonians 5 verse 14. :) then today...no music is on and we are close to finishing lunch...suzannah starts to rock in her high chair and sort of grunt the beat of the psalm 17:8 song & points to her eye! she KNOWS the verse even if she can't say it! yay! so sweet! if nothing else good comes from reading the duggar books, then this does! she started teaching her babies Bible verses as young as two...so i decided to try and bought the cd "songs for saplings" off amazon, it is an MP3 download...and it is working! it has a song for each letter of the alphabet and then all of the main Christian holidays and mother's day and father's day and one about the ocean, harvest, and the seasons. i highly recommend this cd. and really, i just don't even know if your baby is ever too young to start filling their minds and hearts with the Word of God. :) we all know what Dog spelled backwards is...God...so we are having the God days of summer in the Wooten house!

this is what makes every single day that seems like it will never end worth it. this is what makes the isolation of motherhood of wee ones worth it!
this is what makes the night time wake ups, the high fevers, the tantrums...worth it!
this is what makes my heart smile and rest and look to the Father and say...i am so so so blessed.

i will take a video when we get a new memory card for our camera. i promise. bc it is too good not to share.

Blueberry Fields Are Forever!

Today we went blueberry picking in Bryson City...about 30 mins away. I'm not sure what I expected, but since I have been strawberry picking in Plant City, FL...I expected something similar. NO WAY! This was better in most ways. Mostly bc we have a little helper that is so cute. I hope I hear her little voice for a long time in the future saying, "I coming mommy. I coming." as she tramped behind me with her bucket. she mainly helped daddy as he was able to reach the really good blueberries. she was so cute as she kept just getting the blue ones. there was a big mound of mulch off to the side and when she saw it she stopped and yelled "LOOK! LOOK! A mountain!" I said, yes...it is a mountain of mulch. :) her new thing is tell you to LOOK! at whatever it is she finds super exciting. Either a tree, a car, a bug. Zannah tagged along wanting to pick blueberries, but obviously she is inable to differentiate between the blue ones and the pinkish ones. This was a fun outing. it is nice to make sweet memories as a family.

a fire in my soul....

so, do i dare share that i am seriously struggling in my life right now? i mean does anyone even read these posts? if the answer is no, then heck! share away nothing gained, nothing lost. if people do actually read these posts...then i fear you may think less of me. but honestly...i just don't care anymore. i have always been a fan of transparency and authenticity and i feel i haven't been either of those lately. maybe this is why i am struggling. i just feel lost. i feel out of place. i have a love hate relationship with my life. i have always wanted to be a mom and stay home with my kids. i have always had homeschooling in the back of my mind. i have always looked at large families and been in awe. there was always this idealistic notion i had when i looked at them. but maybe i was looking at it from a child's perspective...the idea of having lots of friend and buddies to play with and hang out with. sisters and brothers who i could grow up with loving and having lots in common with. this is bc most large families have a love and passion for Christ. when the duggars came on tv at first i thought, holy crap! that is one big family and they all dress like a bunch of mormons. ewwww...no thanks. but then i watched a few episodes. and i fell in love with them. but back to my struggle. i never really looked at this from a mom's point of view. the laundry, dishes, someone always needing you, never seeming to have time for Jesus, or yourself. when your alone time becomes a trip to the grocery store without kids rather than sitting in a coffee shop reading a magazine. your entire life becomes one nickelodeon episode after another rather than CSI or Law & Order. when cereal for dinner was a legitimate option rather than no option at all bc you have a hard workin man who wants a hot meal and the other two people in your family can't manage to bring a spoon with true liquid to their mouth without making a huge mess. i remember the days where i used to have a job that i loved and even when i was tired and needed a break...i felt like i was ministering to teenagers and maybe, hopefully, possibly making a difference. i remember planning retreats, beach trips, backpacking trips. now the only backpack i carry is one filled with diapers and sippy cups. i know that i am ministering to my small kids, but i don't feel like i know how. how do you share Jesus with a 2 year old? much less a 1 year old? i feel like i have lost my passion. i miss Jesus. I miss my girlfriends from back home. the ones i could cry to and tell that right now, today, at this very moment i don't know what my life is about and i wish i could disappear and none of them would judge me. they would just hug me and say it'll be ok and then we would go get a cup of coffee. that was actually HOT the entire time i sipped it. there are days i long for a big city...going to a movie theater with 24 screens, out to eat, to the mall, etc. now i live in a town with a theater with 4 screens and no theater seating. none of the coffee shops are open past 5pm unless you count mcdonalds as a potential coffee shop. the closest mall is an hour and a half away and i have no money to spend anyways. sorry for the whine fest. i just feel like all that i used to be and all that i used to do...is gone. i don't know who i am anymore it seems. i am not even sure what i like to do. i used to like movies, hanging with girls, the beach. now???? i don't know. i love my husband. i love my kids. but i need a break sometimes. i can't even take a legit bath bc our tub is so shallow that the water won't even cover my body. :( or maybe i am just too fat? probably a combination of the two. *sigh* i need a haircut...usually that solves a lot of my issues. but i don't feel like i can get the haircut i want...so why bother. i look like some overweight trailer park mom. boo hoo! and yet...i love the kisses i get in the morning from my girls. the smiles on their face when i sing to them as they wake up. i love the sense of awe and wonder they have with butterflies, ants, and wind. i love the look on their sweet faces as they pet the cat. i love watching them play nicely together. i love the look they give me when the meat dept lady takes a lobster out of the tank for them to touch, the look that asks "is this ok to touch mom?" i love when i get to laugh with my husband, who for decades i longed for. i love when the Holy Spirit gently reminds me that this is what i longed for...and i am blessed...and to just shhhhh for a minute and enjoy...don't worry about the laundry, the unmade beds, or my exhaustion. back to the duggars...michelle duggar inspires me. she makes time for the Lord, she loves Him more than anything! she is patient and kind and her children are kind and love the Lord as well. she is an example on the earth of what kind of mom and wife i yearn to be whether i have 2 kids or 22 kids (that won't happen....unless i become one of the oldest women to give birth. haha). i truly do feel caught in a whilrwind. but i am encouraged by nahum 1:3 "The LORD is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet." it gives me great comfort that he is slow to anger. that He is not angry at me for being such a slacker about quiet times, but that he wants me to get off my butt and seek him. that he is great in power and has it under control. and that ultimately he will have his way in this whirlwind i call my life. so i suppose as long as He is in control, i will just hang on.

Gosh! am i the worst blogger or what? *sigh* i just don't know if i am just not that into blogging or if i am lazy or if i just have a million other things on my mind and my to do list and i just never quite make it to the blog. but i just looked at a blog that a friend follows called Savvy Little Women. This woman has 6 kids including two sets of twins and she somehow manages to blog. nothing long. nothing overly newsy. just little blurbs here and there with tidbits of wisdom and sharing her insanity. haha. so i figure i need to make a better effort. maybe i should set a reminder on my phone for a once a week sort of blog...start off small and then hope to grow into a more frequent blogging??? i don't know. but for now...a quick update.

summer has been fun for the most part and very full already. we started off our summer with grandiose plans to hit the park every tues. and the library for story time every monday and then a playdate with various friends on either thursday or friday each week...that lasted all of one week. we went to the park and delia just doesn't want to play in the fountains. the bigger kids who are so used to the fountains run and scream and have a blast and i think she is overwhelmed and just doesn't want to get run over. so instead she runs all over the big kid playground and wants to play on the equipment that is really too dangerous for her. the result is zannah winds up sitting on a towel and is left with whoever i came with while i chase delia all over creation. we have to slather on tons of sunscreen and by the time we leave a mere hour or so later everyone is hot, sweaty, and their cheeks are bright red. baths are a must as soon as we finish snack time in order to cool down and get the chemicals off ourselves. i just decided...no more. it was stressful and my poor friends were stuck babysitting zannah. not that she is high maintenance, but that is not what they came to do. the library was a total fiasco! i had very high hopes for mondays as delia loves books. but it was crowded with kids who were mostly school age. mine was practically the youngest one and she had not been to a story time in her life. she didn't want to sit on the round rug bc there were so many kids and no space for her. so she sat on a chair next to me and kept getting down and talking loud. there was a puppet show and at one point she was so into it that she actually fell off the chair onto a kid. she said "sorry" and patted him, but i felt like i was at story time with a fish out of water not the child i see at home every day. the icing on the cake was when she threw the biggest tantrum of her life as we were leaving. she screamed like i was tearing her toenails out all the way out the door, all the way to the car and even up until the car started moving. i decided we aren't doing THAT again! they have a story time during the school year and i am sure it isn't nearly as crowded and hopefully it will be geared towards toddlers rather than preschoolers. so instead, i broke out our little $7 plastic swimming pool, chris cleaned out the car port and we suited up. no need for sunscreen bc there is no sun in our car port. we get a nice breeze through there too (unlike the park!) and delia loves the pool but not as much as our splash monster...zannah! delia's favorite thing is to get in and out of the pool with her water shoes and slosh about the car port. :) it is too rowdy in the pool with zannah anyhow. as of late tho, zannah doesn't splash as much without her big sister in the pool and gets upset that she is alone for the most part in the pool. :( alas. we have been using our bucket of sidewalk chalk, unfortunately we also discovered that when you drop chalk, it breaks and can't be repaired. no matter how many times you tell mommy it is broken.

we are trying to keep on schedule, but with the fun things like VBS and the 4th of July...it has been hard! but our days are packed with errands, swimming, fresh beat and dora. the girls both celebrated their birthdays and they got a ton of fun stuff. so we play in our kitchen and w/out helicopter as well as watching some of our dora dvd's. we had a combo party at the park and just held off opening presents until we got home. we opened one a day for several days and then VBS hit and we paused and just resumed. we have one more bag to go through. i did post a few pics...but i find this blogger not user friendly for photo uploading. grrr. facebook is way easier, so for those of you with facebook...you've seen all the pics...for those of you without...they will be new for you to look at.

sorry i am such a terrible blogger! i will try to be better. hopefully.

Zannah Banana!!!

for those of you not on facebook...or who rarely check facebook...i am putting this on my blog for you. so, i made this song up when zannah was itty bitty...i sing it to make her smile or to distract her from crankiness. Tonight she was so tired quite awhile before bedtime...so i started singing this to her at the dinner table and she chimed in at the right times. i thought it was just a fluke, but chris didn't think so. so we waited and sang it again...she chimed in. then we paused in the right spots and she did the "ha". so i videoed it. she is just too cute! i love her.

retreating

So, this week has been a little hectic getting back into the routine of things. Why?? Because last weekend I went on a retreat with my church. First off let me say that i have a love-hate relationship with retreats. I love them bc I get to get away and be with friends. I hate them because I am away and most of the time I'm around a lot more people that I don't know, than people I do know. So, when I initially said yes to go on this retreat I felt a little talked into it, but was excited and apprehensive all at once. Then as we got closer I began to dread it. Knowing all the prep I would need to do before leaving and then just the being gone and carpooling and all that jazz. Then it was as if the Lord heard me...bc then I asked a good friend if she was going, she hadn't decided...about a week before the retreat I asked her again and she made arrangements to go! YAY! And we were roomies! Then I was a little stressed out about the carpooling situation because I didn't want to leave as early as everyone else seemed to be leaving. I couldn't take my car because we only have one vehicle that car seats fit into. So then a friend from church just offered up her extra vehicle. YAY! So I drove my friend and I to Ridgecrest, which is just outside of Asheville. The theme was "On The Move" and our speakers were a mother/daughter team who are both missionaries. Let me just tell you that our church is part of the Christian and Missionary Alliance...so our primary focus is the great commission...so all of our speakers were missionary wives...and all of them were wonderful. Anyhow...all the sessions were fabulous and I had a few take away nuggets. The first being that the mom speaker was at least old enough to be my mom...she had been a missionary to Brazil for 30+ years and you could just tell she absolutely loves Jesus and LOVES the people she served all those years...she talked about life, following Jesus and how she still blows it almost daily in the areas of trust, obedience, her temper, etc. The normal every day things we all struggle with and the things I really get down on myself for! My take away...if this woman who has served the Lord twice as long as I have been alive and has been a missionary for more than half of her life, doesn't have it all together, then why on earth do I expect myself to have it all together? I am so hard on myself and really need to spend some time in deep meditation on the grace and mercy of God. My other take away is when she was talking about her father...and how growing up her dad considered the little conjunction "but" as back talking. He didn't want to hear it and there were consequences for using it. So when we say "but" to God, we are in actuality back talking the Lord of hosts. The Almighty. The one that the scriptures say "the hills melt like wax at the presence of the Lord." The one who opened the ground and something like 600+ sons of Kora fell in and died bc of their disobedience. And the one who poured his wrath out on Jesus so he didn't have to pour it out on us. WHOA! Zip my lip!!!!! When God asks me for my attitude, I can't say "but that person made me mad." When God asks me for my time, I can't say "but I have so many other pressing things to do." When God asks me for my mornings before the rest of the fam is up, I can't say "but I'm tired." I mean I CAN say them, and I DO say it...but not without consequences. So, I don't give Him my attitude and I wallow in my anger and feel pain in my body and lose sleep. So I get my to do list done, but not usually without bitterness. I sleep in an extra 30-45 minutes but then have trouble seeing God in the dailyness of life. I wouldn't say I learned a whole lot...but what I did learn was great! I also learned that I can trust my husband to respect the schedule and keep the girls on it. I knew he could do it before I left, but I didn't know if he would do it. He had all the dishes done before I got home, the girls were happy and Delia even had pigtails for church that morning. Amazing! I also learned that it is fun to interact with new people for an entire weekend and I laughed alot. Would I do it again...heck yes! One of the best parts is that a widow who has been on my heart for months was on the retreat, I got to interact with her just a little bit so she knows who I am and I invited her over for Easter dinner and she said yes! This retreat was totally totally worth it! God is good. All the time!

groundhog day!

well, i have to say that i feel like our lives are not boring, but i do feel a little like the movie groundhog day. we don't have much variety in our lives. we eat breakfast at the same time, snack at the same time, nap at the same time, milk at the same time, dinner and bed at the same time. a bath thrown in here and there and maybe a trip to the park. since we were all sick life has gotten back to normal. delia has her alphabet down pat (uppercase...she still gets confused on some of the lower case) and her numbers 1-10 too. zannah is a scootin machine and is getting up on her knees and starting to rock. she has definitely discovered the cats and this is serious motivation to get across the room as quickly as is possible. our main news is that delia is no longer in cloth diapers. the first straw was that i was having trouble getting them fastened tight enough around the legs so that she didn't have huge pee leaks. we were having accidents almost every day at least once. this is very frustrating bc i would have to change her clothes and her diaper wasn't as wet as it could be, but needed to be changed. so my laundry was nearly doubling! laundry is one big bane of my existence. i don't mind doing it if i had a folding fairy, but i don't. so i really despise doing laundry. the final straw was when we had a warm spell here in NC...it has been a long long time since it has been warm here! we've been in sweat pants and jeans and long onesie pajamas for months and months and months! so we had this warm spell and put on shorts. well, the legs seem to gap open on her and one night she comes walking over to me and hands me a little round nugget of...POOP! uh...gross! she had pooped and it came right out the leg hole. i thought this was maybe a fluke but then it happened again and she basically knelt down and all the poop rolled right out of her leg holes! i changed her diaper and put a disposable on her and that was that. i have such mixed feelings about this. for one thing...this was my main contribution financially to our family...saving us money by using cloth. but it is a lot easier to only have half the number of diapers to wash every day. i know i need to potty train her, but i just envision being in the grocery store with her and zannah when she announces she has to pee. zannah is NO WHERE NEAR walking...having to wrestle them both in to the bathroom and help delia get her pants down and do her business while trying to hold zannah...uh...no thanks. i think i will wait until she can walk. ugh. is this the right thing? i don't know. but for now it is.

other than that we are still praying for chris to find a job in franklin that can support our family and just watching the girls grow. i have been cross stitching christmas stockings and am about 2 hours from finishing delia's and then i can start suzannah's. at this rate i should be able to finish all 4 by christmas this year! as soon as i am done, i will def take pictures and post. but for now...here are a few of the girls!

a long week!

Well, this week has been spent cleaning up vomit and diarrhea. It all started 9 days ago and after the last two nights i think it is safe to say we are NOT out of the woods yet. This is like the virus that just won't go away. I have bleached toys, i have put the stuffed animals in the dryer, i have boiled bottles and pacifiers. Argh! Luckily i am better and chris is almost better. one of the side effects of this illness (for us adults anyways) is that it is making our body throw proteins out into our urine causing our kidneys/backs to hurt like crazy! To the point that we both feel like we have thrown our backs out. Mine only lasted two or three days and now after lots of water and some cranberry juice...i feel normal. in fact i feel like my normal everyday self. so this is good. let's hope the girls follow suit very soon!!! i am tired of stripping beds, doing a million loads of laundry, and watching my sweet nuggets feel miserable. i will say tho that my husband did at least a half a million loads of laundry in the beginning of the week when i was still sick and the girls were throwing up all over the place. so a big shout out to him!!! :)

the other thing this has done to our household is that it has made it so chris has been unable to job hunt. he has been out of work for about a month and things are starting to get pretty tight and even a little scary. i know God has a plan and i am trying to trust him, but this is stressful. chris has applied for every job opening in town he knows about and goes to the employment security place a few times a week to see what else is available that is only posted through them. so we aren't unemployed for a lack of trying! ugh. please keep us in your prayers.

nothing else eventful has happened...in fact i think i am ready for a downright boring week. haha.

BEWARE: contains explicit bodily functions :)

Phew! so when i wrote that last post i thought i was getting better from being sick for 36 hours. uh...nope! and not only was i not totally well...both of the girls got sick. and i don't just mean sorta sick. we stayed home from church on sunday just in case we had a bug going through our family and those of you who attend church with me...you should thank my husband for his wisdom! :)

so, here is the setting...it was the perfect setting for all hell to break lose in the wooten home. because as you all know...hell never breaks lose on you when it is convenient (i.e. when nothing pressing is happening or when you have the time to clean up or on linoleum!) haha. so, it is 5:52 PM...8 minutes before dinner...the stuffed shells are just being taken out of the oven, the veggies are steaming nicely on the stove top. delia has had her afternoon sippy of milk and i go in the living room to retrieve her for dinner and as she is standing there she coughs once, then hurls. yep...you guessed it...all of that nice milk that she had drank about an hour and a half earlier...nice and sour and funky! all over the carpet and the side of our couch. for those of you who know me...i hate vomit more than i hate anything else. i would rather have my own eye gouged out than to throw up or clean someone else's puke up. so i immediately start freaking out! FREAKING OUT! you would think someone just dropped a nuclear bomb in my living room and in fact they sorta did. haha. this of course bothers my husband and he thinks i need to calm down! which may be true! but come on now!!! so, chris is a better person than i am and he cleaned up the nasty while i cleaned up the kid. she was acting fine and i actually thought maybe she just got a hold of a raisin or something and choked a little. bc she was happy to be in the tub and playing and in good spirits. in other words...not acting sick.

so we sit down to dinner. i am not eating bc i am still feeling not quite right. delia doesn't touch her veggies and rice (no red sauce for her...just in case!) when she throws up again at the table. back into the tub. again...she is in good spirits and thinks that it is just fabulous that we are using the take down shower head. which for those of you with toddlers and no take down shower head...this is a must! PJ's on, sippy of watered down juice and we are watching the Backyardigans when Zannah starts retching. sooooooooooo...she goes into the tub and daddy is cleaning up. Poor girl didn't have a clue what was happening to her. So, this started at 5:52pm...and every 20 minutes delia threw up. literally every single 20 minutes. it was the craziest thing. she was happy, watching dora, hanging out, she would stop, puke, get wiped down and resume activity. by this point she was in a diaper and pajama bottoms, which of course she thought was great! in the last month she has discovered her little nipples and thinks it is great that they are different from the rest of her skin. we ran out for pedialyte, called the women/children's unit at the hospital. finally at 10 pm when she hadn't peed in four hours, couldn't keep a sip of water or pedilyte down and had gone from dry heaving to throwing up while she was sleeping on a towel on the living room floor...we were more than concerned. by this time zannah was back out of bed bc she had thrown up in her sleep. chris made the decision that this simply was not getting any better and delia was looking very scary and we were afraid that dehydration would set in. this whole time she was not crying or freaking out but was just looking at us like, please make this stop! so chris loaded her up and took her to the ER. i was left home with zannah who was playing on the floor. of course after he left for the hospital, she starts retching again! *sigh* but then fell asleep so i put her in bed.

they gave my sweet pea zofran (anti nausea) and some stickers and sent her home with chris. that stuff is amazing and as a result she was able to drink like 10 cups of pedialyte yesterday and play and was in good spirits! of course about ten minutes after we got her settled into her bed, i began to throw up and was sick until last night just before bed.

i am happy to report that we have had no puking today but the girls are exhausted and delia is sort of in a zombie state and she ate her breakfast but is pale pale pale (in other words, not just pale...but extra pale)! we stayed home from Bible study today and will just continue to lay low for the next few days. i do hope to make it to Kindermusik on friday. there are times when i truly do feel like i live in a whirlwind. i am just glad that i have Jesus to hang to through it all and try to remind myself of 2Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore, we do NOT lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes NOT on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (emphasis mine)

Time flies!

So here I am standing in the kitchen (the only way i can get on the computer now...is standing with it out of reach! haha) with one child running through the kitchen waving a fly swatter at the air and the other next to me in the bumbo chair on the counter. it just simply amazes me that another 8 months has gone by without me blogging. i am truly amazed by my friend sarah who has four little ones and she blogs every consistently! i am making the decision right now to make time at least every week to blog. not that i think our life is that exciting, but we do some fun stuff and if im not gonna journal, then i should blog so i have some record of the fun stuff. :)

the most exciting thing that has happened is that in the last month we have become aware that delia knows her alphabet. i don't mean her abc's. i mean she can look at a letter and knows which one it is! we discovered this when she had a box of barley in her hands and was shaking it and then out of nowhere she points to the b and says "BEEEEEEE!". my mom was over and we both looked at her like, for real? then i said it was probably just a coincence. then a few seconds later she points to the y and says "WHY!!". then we handed her something else and when she saw the o on the label, she pointed and said "OH!". so then i got curious and we went through a bunch of letters and as of today she knows them all! if you take her etch a sketch and draw a letter on it, she can tell you what it is. she makes a few mistakes here and there, but she gets it right 99% of the time. i bought flash cards and we work on them every couple of days and a friend just got her some bathtube letters. they will all be floating and she will say "I" and pick up the i and stick it to the wall. so exciting! not saying she is a genius, but this is pretty exciting for a 20 month old and i didn't even really work with her on this. and she doesn't watch that much tv either! so i think she just picks up on things super fast. which makes me say "uh oh!" i better start watching what i say around her! haha. for those of you not keeping up with me on facebook (which stays very current), i am posting pictures of our life over the last 8 months. :) starting with the birth of Suzannah (aka Zannah) Grace. :)


June - July 2010

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December 2010

January 2011

Feb 2011